Sunday, April 13, 2014


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

copied from PinoyRapRadio~

Kerana cinta yang salah~

Kerana cinta yang salah, berapa ramai yang telah terlanjur?

Sama ada ringan-ringan atau berat-berat. Dosa tetaplah dosa. Sama ada ianya dosa dari titik hitam di hati atau zina mata, tangan dan hati. Dosa tetap dah tercatat dalam buku amalan diri.
Persoalannya, adakah kita boleh melabel seseorang yang telah buat dosa seperti ini sebagai barang second hand. Barangan terpakai? Ya lah, sudah disentuh, sudah diraba, sudah dipegang-pegang, sudah dicium dipeluk dan apa-apa saja lagi. Si pelaku (lelaki) yang rosakkan juga adalah cap ayam. Murahan dan tiada maruah. Begitu jua dengan yang diperlakukan dan merelakan (perempuan). Tiada cop dikenakan pada hanya sebelah pihak. Kedua-duanya sekali bersalah dalam hal ini.

Adakah aku barangan terpakai?
Ya. Jika tidak bertaubat.
Jika sudah bertaubat?
Jika sudah taubat Nasuha (bersungguh-sungguh insaf tiada lagi siaran ulangan dosa), maka tiada lagi label barangan terpakai atau buangan. Bahkan kamu adalah bidadara dan bidadari dunia akhirat kembali. Suci seperti bayi. Macam baru keluar dari kilang. Fresh. Tanpa dosa dan noda.

-copy  from { Bercinta Selepas Nikah }

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Final Year Student

E.N.D OF 7th S.E.M.E.S.T.E.R~

yoeyy..end of 7th semester,so tgl 1 sem je lg nak habiskn zaman2 gediks brsame non2 sekalian...
Alhamdulillah, xsangka blh sampai ke tahap ni skrg..msh trase bgai mimpi2 d'siang hari..hihihi~
thanks to ex-rumate, current rumate, labmate, kosmate, groupmate n mate2..
hmmm...hari baru rse masuk sini..duk sibuk2 kemas brg lepas daftar course ..
now,tinggal one more sem to go..nnt kemas brg again n xde daftar2 da..
hopefully, soon engineer sha Allah..hihi

so,sepanjang 4 tahun ni, mcm2 da kenangan n pengalaman yg ditempuhi..setiap yg berlaku ade hikmahnye..setiap pertemuan pasti diakhiri dgn perpisahan..sobsobsob..

1st year

here we are..tyme 1st year dlu..mse ni ade industrial visit kat PTP ..sume muke2 innocent, skema, baik2 je..hahahah

2nd year

ni lak mase kat jepun (GOP- global outreach programme)..tyme ni sume da brubah cket demi cket..ade yg da stylo,ade yg da makin ayu,xkurang gak, yang kul n lek je..steady same cam dolu2~

3rd year

utk 3rd year, dis is bbq session~~ whee!! sponsored by dr.amri..huhuhu

4th year

baru2 ni, we'ol attend dr.khairul punye wedding..sume da semakin kacak brgaye n cun2..kui3..
thanks to dr.khairul n husband sebab sudi jemput kiteorg..huhu..nasi die mmg sedap..rugi xamek byk hari tu..wuah3

last but not least, SEI utm (10-14) (Bachelor of Electrical Engineering - Control & Instrumentation) , i love u~xoxo

Monday, January 13, 2014

Kempunan di malam hari xtau da nak ucap selamat malam ke selamat pagi~huhu

jarang beno aku nak tido lewat ni..selalunye jarum jam tu nak cucuk nombor 12 tu, aku dulu yang merangkak2 cri katil..hehe..malam ni je tido lambat..padahal plan nak study, tapi plan berubah kpd agenda lain..

agenda lain tu~ chatting ngan 'die' la... emm..sambil chat2 ngn die tu..shikin lak timbul kat chat tu..bagi aku mende ni..

ohoii cik shikin, die mmg sengaja nak membangkitkn kelaparan aku.... da la sebelum ni aku ade cite kat die yang tringin nak pekene ke-ep-c ..mane nak dapat pagi2 bute (3 pg) kfc ni..da la tyme ni senang2 je perut aku nak berirama senandung malam...

tak habis ngan yang tu,shikin ni memang sengaje pon rse nye..die bagi lagi 1 pic yang meng'up'kan lagi slere nak makan ayam ni~

ni pon sodappppp~ tapi aku lagi suke chezzy wedge$$$..hehe...waduh3...ngan chesse nye yg cair tu..arghhhh...buat aku imagine sorg2 je shikin ni..padahal die sedap je tido..tgl aku je kelaparan..
hurmm... bile nak dpt  mkn kfc,mcm xkene je...nyummm,nyummm..onomnomnooooooommm..

esok la pekene kfc ni..da naik kempunan je nak makan chezzy wedges..semoge malam ni mimpi dapat mkn kfc sedih je,mintak mimpi camtu..hewhewhew(blaja dr deli suke ni)hehe..

k la..gud nyte n have a nice dreammmmmmmmm